A Slurpee Christmason December 8, 2011 at 10:00 AM
‘Twas the undetermined time before Christmas, and all through the convenience store,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Colombian Bear mixed with a Boar.
The stockings were hung by the Slurpee machine with care,
In hopes that St. Nick and St. Dooie soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their footie pajamas,
While visions of blue M&M’s danced with llamas.
And my special lady friend in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
ripped open the shutters like a boss, and hopped up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-time travel to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But Uncanny X-Duders, and eight tiny wallabies’.
With two badass drivers, so lively and limp,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Dooie and St. Nick.
More rapid than lemurs and their wallabies’ they came,
And they whistled, and juggled, and called them by name;
“Now, Albert! Now, Arcee! Now, Brutus and Goldblum
On, Duder! On Jesus! On, Dante and on Randal!
To the top of the 7-11! To the top of the wall!
Now pour away! Pour away! Pour away all!”
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the Slurpee machine St. Dooie and St. Nick, came with a bound.
They spoke not a word but went straight to work,
And when they drained their Slurpees, they turned with a jerk.
And with no more frawg, they tossed the Spoon straw
And giving a nod, up the Slurpee machine they crawled.
They sprang to the sleigh, to the team they gave a squishy flop,
And away they all flew, like a fizzy soda pop.
But I heard them exclaim, as they drove out of line,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good time!”
It’s the Holidays and we won’t shy away from the ridiculous of the season. You won’t hear us pick a side between Christmas, Kwanza or those eight crazy nights of Hanukkah. We won’t bow to the Fox New’s War On Words because if you make us choose, we choose Festivus.
That said, we went ahead and made you one of the best Holiday Cards ever to hit the scene. You know the drill, download it right here.
But The Todd
Post Script: As always, these cards are 100% free but if you’d like to buy us a Slurpee, that would be great! Thank you.